Tuesday, February 13, 2007
The Source Of Life starts at... 10:04 PM.
-I'm not ready to make nice- Hey guys, how are you all? I'm not doing too good right now and I guess that you could say that my old demons are coming back to haunt me again. Demons that makes me suffer as if I'm in the deep depths of hell. This entry may be a little disturbing and if you feel the need to do something, just go ahead (like as if you all care right?).ANyway, for the past few days, my mood has been really grumpy and gloomy even during the CVD Carnival at YJC. I know that some of you might think that I was happy and doing fine during the CVD but actually I wasn't. I really wasn't myself on that day.Demons...
Haunting...
Disturbing...
Pain...
Suicide...
...
Yes people, suicide. That was what I have been thinking of for the past few days. There were similar instances back then where I felt the urge to kill myself, to end life here and now...Yes I know that it's disturbing but this has ever happened many times before. I felt that the whole world is a giant rollercoster bound to go off-track soon. Ups and downs, sharp turns and unexpected falls. Life. SOmetimes it's cruel, yet other times, it's a blessing.Is is just me or am I being surrounded by mostly negative people, all these negative energy. Fuckers who thinks that I do not fit into the society, bastards who have the perception of me being gay just because I hang around with girls, bitches who keep talking behind my back, people in general who judges people like me on the outside instead of the inside.Curse you people!
Curse you indeed.
I guess that mass media is partly or wholly to be blamed on this as it evokes a streotypical perception of beauty labeling all of us chubby people as ugly freaks.Damn you!
Damn you indeed!
I'm sorry people but like I said,I've not been feeling like myself for the past few days... please try to understand.Why must people be like that?
Just because I'm fat you need to start judge me?
Or is it just because you think that you're too perfect as compared to me and my counterparts?
No one's perfect la, except for God Himself!
So fuck off la!
I'm sorry to my friends if you find this too much but it's meant for those freaks who thinks they're too good until they look down on people like me.But...
If you're my friends, prove it...I don't really believe in life anymore....
Be Saved, Shout It Out |