Navigate Your Way Through the blog by using the links at the bottom of every section
~PROFILE~
* F O R E V E R C H A N G I N G *
KhaiRuL As'ari
Yishun Junior College
21061989
Aspiring Saxophonist
1st Alto Saxophonist in YJ Winds
Social Education Secretary of Kallang YEC
Assistant Publicity Secretary of Kallang MAEC (TBC)
Only those I know will know...
SmilesforMe
Education- Both Teaching and Teached
Supportive Family and Friends
Being Believed in Whatever I do
Music
Love
HoldingOnFor
More Friends
NUS Arts and Social Sciences Faculty
More Enduring Support
Conducive temple of education
Alto Saxophone
EXTRAS
The Road Not Taken
by: Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the tother, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy ans wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
The Source Of Life starts at... 2:10 PM.
+The Art of Life...+
Hello everyone. I'm sure that you're aware of the controversy that's going on here and it's all my fault. So I would like to publicly apologise to Suffian for all those horrible things I said and assumptions I made about you. I guess that I was wrong in judging you because I don't know you that much. So it's right for me to say that I was wrong, wrong in making assumptions about you and wrong in judging you. I guess that I took the saying "Don not judge a book by it's cover" lightly. So sorry. And to Abidah, sorry for the horrible things I've said to you in this blog. I know that it was a long time ago but still, I'm so sorry. I should not have said all those horrible things about you and making you my enemy. So please accept my apology and let us all forget about this shall we?
Suffian said something in my tagboard, something that I've been thinking about for the last two nights. He said that I'm insecure and I denied it. However, it is true that I am indeed insecure. I guess that I'm trying too hard to blend in with the others you know. I tried being cool and rebellious but deep down inside, I am inferior. I'm no longer the Khairul I know in my secondary school years. I guess that going into JC was so overwhelming and that I'm inferior to everyone in school. Inferior in a sense that there are clever people around me in school, and that I'm afraid that what I say or do might sound dumb or stupid. So I tried too hard to be low profile yet at the same time trying to bring myself hard. What am I saying! See I don't even know what I'm talking about right now.
Last year, I talked about my insecurities a lot in my blog (not this blog) and that I kept questioning about my self confidence. I guess that I was more confident then as compared to now. I felt accepted by everyone (well most of them) in EVG and that I had no problems blending in with the rest. But now that I'm in JC, I'm finding it hard to blend in. It's like, my confidence just... vanished. I admit that I'm a coward and that I can't stand my ground that easily in school. Somehow, I feel insecure of my appearance, the way I act and behave and the things I said. And I was so dumb in thinking that I could hide all of these by being rebellious... being someone that I'm not. So all this while, I've been living a lie. I've lied to people, and I've lied to myself. So I've lost my true self, the Khairul that people love and believe in. I'm such a disappointment. Sorry guys.
So Life's like an art. Let's look at this painting shall we.
This painting was/ is one of the works of Johannes Vermeer entitled The Girl with a Pearl Earring and let's look into this painting shall we.
Somewhat, I feel that this girl represent myself. Why? Have you ever questioned why is she looking back over her shoulder instead of facing the painter directly? I'm putting myself in her own shoes. The reason why i'd be facing Mr Vermeer like that because maybe I'm not comfortable to face the world upfront and keeping my back towards it and giving back glances so that I can watch out for all the negative aspects in life. And what about the black canvas/ background? What do I think it means and how it's related to my life? To me, it may be a dark alleway or just a plain black door that I'm about to reach for the handle. I imagine glancing back to say goodbye to everyone (or the world ) before heading down the dark alleyway or before opening the door to leave. That's me people. There are times which I had the urge to just escape from life but was hesitant in doing so. Look at the expression. The girl might be smiling a little but look at the eyes. From her eyes, I could see sorrow and that again is what I'm about. I'm putting up a brave and calm front but in actual fact, I'm crying inside. So people, she's me right now.
SO please, I need help. I need to get the old me back and I really need all of your help. I really do... save me...
