Navigate Your Way Through the blog by using the links at the bottom of every section
~PROFILE~
* F O R E V E R C H A N G I N G *
KhaiRuL As'ari
Yishun Junior College
21061989
Aspiring Saxophonist
1st Alto Saxophonist in YJ Winds
Social Education Secretary of Kallang YEC
Assistant Publicity Secretary of Kallang MAEC (TBC)
Only those I know will know...
SmilesforMe
Education- Both Teaching and Teached
Supportive Family and Friends
Being Believed in Whatever I do
Music
Love
HoldingOnFor
More Friends
NUS Arts and Social Sciences Faculty
More Enduring Support
Conducive temple of education
Alto Saxophone
EXTRAS
The Road Not Taken
by: Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the tother, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy ans wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
The Source Of Life starts at... 10:23 PM.
+The Show Must Go On..+ hello there azhar! how are you? finally you blog huh? Good, good. Kind to think of it, I had the impression that this blog is daed, but thanks to shariman and you, it's alive again!Anyway, the title for my entry today is obviously 'The show must go on'. Why? Well firstly, I'm currently listening to "The Show Must Go On" by Queen and it's a super great song. You guys should listen to it. And secondly, I believe that my life is a show that's meant to go on and on forever.
When I say show, I mean it in a bad way. Lately, my life have been smacked with challenging hardships and to a point there, I've thought of giving up, and there are even those when I really fell very very sick. I've thought of quiting school and just stray myself in this world. Surprised? That's me! I've now changed to a whole new extent, from the Khairul the jovial to Khairul the Obscure. I've changed so much! Especially over the holidays and I'm having trouble handling myself. I'm tired, faithless and in a mess! I seriously don't know what to do now.
"Inside my heart is breaking/ My make-up may be flaky/ But my smile/ Still stays on..."
This is taken from 'The Show Must Go On' lyrics and this si what I do all day. Though I may be hurting inside, I still sport a smile to show people that I'm not weak, even though I am. On the outside, you may see me acting all quirky and stuff but really what's really down in the pit of my heart, I am indeed suffering. And this is getting to me in a way that I can't really take it anymore. My grades are falling, my health is getting bad, I can't stand the sheer discrimination from some of my fellow schoolmates. My musicianship is also greatly affected and it seems that I can't really express myself as much as I did when in EVG.
'We hold our own destinies' is somehow a cliched or misused word in my life right now. I don't know where my destiny is. perhaps it's at the bottom of my heels, it'd be crushed any time soon, or maybe perhaps it's still on the table near me, just a monster is hindering me from getting to it. I really need to find my destiny and I need it now. But I don't know what to do. I'm still confused by the recent life turmoils that I have lost sight of my goals and passion. It's painful to think every morning "Will I promote to JC2 next year?" or "Am I lieing to myself in being who I am not?" Have you had days when you're feeling the same way?
It's good that Azhar is still steady in his life right now and Shariman seems to be enjoying his life too. Maybe perhaps Azmi is to, I don't know, it's been a while since I've met up with him. Faizal, maybe too. I'm glad for you guys but I'm disappointed in myself for not really handling my life properly. It irks me everytime i think of my life and of others. but what to do. The show must do on and somehow there's a way to be certain of my destiny. Like the saying goes: When there's a will, there's a way. But will I have the will to find the way? Let me pause for thought.
