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Monday, June 12, 2006

The Source Of Life starts at... 3:29 PM.

+am i depressed or something?+

Hello everyone. I'm sure that some of you might wonder, how come I have two different entries on the same day, around a few minutes apart? Well, the previous entry, about the world cup was a copy of an entry in a blog that i share with two other friends of mine. If you've visited it, don't bother read it again. Those who have not visited the blog, go to www.like-blood-brothers.blogspot.com later after reading my own blog entries.

Anyway, let's get to the main reason of why I am typing this blog. At the moment, I'm not really in the mood to be myself because I've lost my inner 'craziness' on the ferry from Tanjung Pinang, that was when i received a few messages that i got pissed about. If you'd like to know what these messages are, just click the link to Like-Blood-Brothers blog... later i mean... let me go on.

I was gloomy even through yesterday! I had this 'gig' at a wedding with my dad and his band, but the thing is, i was gloomy most of the time. I rarely smiled, nor did I talk to anyone. Kept being cold towards my mom (well, i had to) and to make it worse, it rained heavily while performing. We had to stop all playing for like an hour before we can start up again. All our instruments were wet and so was I. I'm having fever right now but i don't feel like telling my parents. What's the point? Would I prefer to be stuck in a rocky household for the whole of today? I'm at my cousins' rite now and here I am typing this entry.

Yes, i admit, there are problems brewing within my family but I am not at all willing to share with ya guys what they are. This problem of ours are kind of getting to me in someway. I feel that I'll not be the Khairul that you know for a few weeks, perhaps months.
It's the holidays and it's like, me, meryl, felle, grace and zawana are like not sitting in the library, making the fools of ourselves, nor sharing jokes... I miss them..

Even though wana went to tanjung pinang with me, i felt that she was not paying attention to me.
Well, actually, i guess only the teachers gave me attention. Most of the time, I would sit at meals with them, not with the students. The other male students? forget it la. I was like being outcasted from the students for the whole of the trip. All except Mira and Maia. They hanged out with me, Mira helped me put eye-liner and the three of us went to the back of the boat on the returning journey and we sang some songs, relaxing in the wind and the dark sea. I guess that we even shared some personal stuff too. Thanks Mira and Maia.

Oh ya! let me point out. i'm not afraid to post this...

I HATE ABIDAH!!!

She is cold, attention-seeker, and simply a nuisance! It's like for the whole trip,
she's been giving me a cold shoulder and I'm sick of it. Not only for the trip, even before the trip. Even Mira agrees. According to her, Abidah is like giving the "I-dont-care" look everytime I tried talking to her. I know that! Just because I'm fat and ugly, but I have feelings too BITCH! You know what are some of the things she said to me? We were at some place at Pulau Penyengat, where cannons were surrounding us. So as usual, us students and foreigners, we take photos everywhere we go. I was the photographer at that point of time. When I asked whether someone could help to take a picture of me with this cannon, she said out loudly:


"Siapa nak ambik kau sebagai model?" (Who wants to take you as a model?).
FUCK YOU LA! LIKE AS IF ANYONE WOULD TAKE YOU EITHER! I was so angry over this that I almost pushed her off the cliff (Literally). FOR GOD'S SAKES WOMAN! IT'S JUST ONE PHOTOGRAPH FOR MYSELF AND NOT FOR A MODELING AGENCY! Luckily I did not say or do anything. I just pretend nothing's wrong. What a B*ITCH!

Maybe what Mira said is true. Maybe she was just joking when she made those remarks and that I am taking it too personally. But the thing is that, if she was indeed joking? Cant she at least show some kind of smile or a whimper of a soft laugh to indicate that the fucking remark was indeed a joke, but no she didn't. She just cringed.
FUCK LA! It's in the face...

Now let me vent my anger physically...

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