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~PROFILE~
* F O R E V E R C H A N G I N G *
KhaiRuL As'ari
Yishun Junior College
21061989
Aspiring Saxophonist
1st Alto Saxophonist in YJ Winds
Social Education Secretary of Kallang YEC
Assistant Publicity Secretary of Kallang MAEC (TBC)
Only those I know will know...
SmilesforMe
Education- Both Teaching and Teached
Supportive Family and Friends
Being Believed in Whatever I do
Music
Love
HoldingOnFor
More Friends
NUS Arts and Social Sciences Faculty
More Enduring Support
Conducive temple of education
Alto Saxophone
EXTRAS
The Road Not Taken
by: Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the tother, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy ans wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
Friday, May 19, 2006
The Source Of Life starts at... 5:00 PM.
+burfdae happenings+
Hola guys! Great to be back from a 'long' hiatus (from blogging i mean). Anyway, I would like to wish all May babies especially to my beloved Dad, who turns 50 today (19 May). Even though 50 is like entering the oldies period (whatever it is), I still care as much of him as if it was forever. Happy birthday dad! Hope all your prayers and hopes come through and hope that you would live through to a ripe old age! I Love you Dad!
Other birthdays that I'd like to dedicate this entry specially to are Zawana (15 May), Aloy (12 May), and Grace (25 May). I wish you well and good luck in whatever endeavours you do! It's a pleasure to be a YJCian with you guys! Have fun ok!
+am i really being...ME?+
Above, I may be presenting myself as being a jovial, fun-loving and caring manner. And many may agree that in school, i really am happy, crazy so to speak. What to do? If you have classmates who are soOo crazy that you sometimes feel that your 'stomach/pants/skirts/appendix is going to "burst"', that's how crazy i get everyday. It's like there's not a single day that i won't let out a single laugh.
but sometimes i do wonder. Am i really laughing just to hide my inner sadness? I'm someone who is mysterious. I look happy physically but sad emotionally. My life is full of ups and downs, mostly downs, but i'm not showing that off to people. What with my inner demons and painful sorrows, people think that i should let it out, but i'm somehow hesitant or even stubborn to let it out. I've had thoughts of suicide, but i feel that it's not worth it rite. Why would i waste my life now? I'm not saying that i'd be doing it in the future, I guess i won't. I even had thoughts to see a counsellor or a psychiatrist. But i'm just hesitant to let it out. My issues are a bit sensitive by nature and also very humiliating. I'm trying to rid of it... but... ARGH! I JUST CAN'T!!!
My life is full of secrets (it's like everybodys' is). But i do feel that mine is even heavier then theirs. It's so heavy until like what i said, i had thoughts of suicide. I'm growing scared of this. I don't want my secrets to be the cause of my downfall. This is an internal conflict and this is the most confusing, painful, difficult, excruciating one i've ever felt. This is MENTAL TORTURE! I kept going home crying on my bed and once even threatened mysle to cut myself with the pen knife!! But luckily i resisted.I used to go home happy and joyful, jump onto the bed and even dance alot at home. But now, i go home with heavy thoughts in my mind. am i really being me? or at least who i used to be? is it considered as a lie if i am not being me? I'm sure many of you, especially my friends are shocked by this. Now you know who i really am now. So i plead you- help... .. ... .. ...
